Confessions Of A "Food" Addict

Well it's been quite some time since I've written. Seven days to be exact. At first I got real busy, and then, I just slipped back into my old, undisciplined ways. My 10 day journey really opened my eyes to many things, and yet, when it was all said & done I found myself only slightly better than I had started. Once I allowed food to re enter my life, I was up against a greater challenge than any fast has ever presented me with....the challenge of eating. I failed miserably, and beat myself up far too much over it. I love food way more than I ever thought I did. Though I tried to comply with a very good eating plan, I could not stick with it. The desire for food simply enticed me too much, and I did not heed my knowledge of asking God for help when I was tempted. I understand that I simply cannot do this without God's help, and yet I blatantly ignore the Holy Spirit who gently reminds me that I am giving in to temptation. My god truly is my belly, and if I do not give up the worship of this false god, I know the Lord will harden my heart. When I fall down, I beat myself up and have a hard time accepting the forgiveness that is offered in Christ. I become so angry with myself that I simply give in to my sin, feeling beaten & tired from the fight. I recognize what is happening, however, and I cannot let it keep hold of me. The desire for food definitely keeps me from fellowship with God. All of the focus I should be putting on Him, I put on food. I dream about it, I obsess over it, I spend way too much time with it, it consumes my every thought! I enjoy everything about it EXCEPT the way it makes me feel after I've eaten way too much of it. As I've stated before, the battle is in the mind. If we bring the mind into submission, the body will follow.

Romans 12:1-2 "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

I have not yet achieved this state of submission, but I'm not giving up on it. I cannot stick to anything without prayer & meditation, and it has to be in the morning to give me strength for the day. Psalm 5:3 says, "In the morning, O LORD, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch."
Psalm 88:13 says, "But I, O LORD, have cried out to You for help, And in the morning my prayer comes before You."
It is clear to me what has happened this time, and has no doubt been the same thing that has happened the many other times I have "fallen off the horse". I neglected my morning ritual once and could not get it back again. Once I got in the habit of spending my time with the Lord early in the morning, before the house awakened and the calls of food were strong enough to completely lure me in, my desire to be with God surpassed all other desires. I could hear His voice. I learned & I understood. I let His Word speak to me & through me. Once the day begins, the trappings of the world blur my eyes & I cannot see as clearly, so it is imperative that I spend my time with the Lord first thing in the morning. He is my source of strength.
When I am fasting, there is such a great closeness to the Lord. He is all I think about, and when temptation is presented to me, I am able to fight it so much better, for it is He who is within me that fights. It is always He who is within me that fights, but when I am not fasting, I am not as "in tune" to the fight and when I neglect my morning time with the Lord, I am fighting a battle that I simply cannot win. I cannot win this without the Lord's help. I cannot hear His voice when I am not listening. Psalm 46 is a great read. Verse 1 & verse 10 are wonderful encouragements to my soul. 1 "God is our refuge & strength. A very present help in times of trouble" and 10"Be still and know that I am God". It is so hard to "be still" when we're always trying to figure everything out, isn't it? We are a pride filled people, consumed by our flesh, and only by submission to the Spirit within us will we be able to fight this flesh. Paul said, in Romans 7:24, "O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from this body of death?" I identify with these words far more than I'd like to. I find myself crying out continually. Paul knew exactly what it was to wrestle with his flesh. Romans 7 described his fight, and identifies ours. He knew the power of the mind, and he knew the importance of strengthening the Spirit. In Romans 7:25 he says, "I thank God - through Jesus Christ our LORD! So then, with the mind I serve the law of God, but with the flesh, the law of sin." But Paul encourages us in this fight, and he reminds us of something very important in Romans 8: 1-2,
"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death." AMEN!! There is NO condemnation! God doesn't want us to sit by & wallow in our self pity. Those are self defeating behaviors that the enemy takes great pleasure in, as they draw us away from God & lure us into a state of depression. One of my favorite verses in times of trouble is in Isaiah 43:1b-3a, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

God is good...He is faithful. Yes, I have fallen off of my horse, and no doubt you will too at some point, but remember, EVERY rider falls. If you want to be one of best riders, you have to get back on.

Today is a new morning. My slate has been wiped clean & I will start all over again. God is merciful and compassionate. He knows my struggle and He loves me through it. I put my hope & trust in Him.

I leave you with this....
Lamentations 3:22-24 "Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning! Great is Your Faithfulness! 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him!' "

God bless you in your fight for freedom!