Ready To Face The Next Day

I'm not sure I'll post every day, but on the days I can, I will. I just figured it would be good to at least log in my first day in the battle zone.

Well I made it through day 1 unscathed. I had a couple of small attacks, but I got through them. It's amazing the power of faith when you really exercise it. I had decided that the only way to conquer this beast of gluttony that continually tries to devour my being was to enlist the help of my Commanding Officer, Jesus Christ. It is obvious that I cannot do this alone, if I could, I would not be in this position right now. I realize that there will people that will mock the way I've decided to engage this attack, but it does not matter to me, as I know I am aiming for a far greater victory.

Since food has apparently become a "god" to me, I knew that it was inevitable that it would "call out to me". If you are obsessed with & addicted to food as I am, you will understand that every day I wrestle with thoughts of eating. I love the smells, and the tastes. I could be doing anything...anything at all and thoughts of food will enter into my mind. Soon after, I find myself grabbing a snack, or stopping to eat before continuing whatever it is I was doing. I need to gain control over my mind. Fasting helps do that. It clears the mind and strengthens focus. If I am not focusing on food, I can clearly overcome the desire to have it. But I cannot do it alone, I cannot. Satan's battlefield is the mind, and this is where he gains his greatest victories over us. He continually plants thoughts within our mind and we are so unaware of the stronghold it creates. Once that stronghold has been secured, we are in for a battle to tear it down.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says:

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Our weapons are mighty through God and they have the power to pull down strongholds.
In addition to the power we have through the Holy Spirit to conquer the enemy that wages battle in our mind, Ephesians 6: 10-17 gives us clear battle gear that we must put on every day in order to fight this enemy we are up against. It is the armor of God, and we need to put it on if we are going to succeed in this war. What soldier in his right mind would go out to the front lines of war without any weapons or protective gear? Only one who has a death wish. "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
Those are some very powerful weapons, and we cannot be effective soldiers if we do not take them up.

Food truly is a wonderful gift, however, if it is abused it takes on a whole different power. Food has the power to nourish & the power to kill. Is it any wonder that the devil would have used food to tempt Eve in the garden. The connection between food & man's downfall has been an issue right from the beginning. We need food to live, but once we become obsessed with food we subject ourselves to death from the very thing that gives us life. I know that fasting provides a discipline that I cannot gain through any other means. When I try to "control" my eating, I simply preoccupy myself with it more.

If you suffer from this same obsession with food as I do, you may want to consider fasting. If you do, however, do not go into a fast unarmed. I have done a lot of research on fasting, and it is a powerful tool for the breaking down of strongholds. If, however, you go into a fast without proper knowledge, you can set yourself up to get sick and the freedom you seek will be in vain. There are a lot of great links to fasting that are posted on the side bar of this blog. Take your time & read them, for they are filled with great information & instruction.
If you are not up for fasting yet, cleaning yourself out with a lot of high fiber fruits and vegetables (preferably raw) and drinking only water is the very best way to feel full & clean inside, and is a great way to get a hold of the discipline you need to fight this enemy. This, however, like fasting is not easy. You cannot go from eating cakes, chips and take out food to just eating the "clean way" and think you can do it on your own. Let's face it, if you could, you would have done it a long time ago. Even if you only over eat things like rice & chicken cooked with no additives & you think you are a healthy eater, if you are over eating and putting on weight you are still being gluttonous and that is not good. Discipline is something that takes a lot of work to achieve. With God's help, we can all walk in that victory. Gluttonous behavior does not just go away because you all of a sudden decide to eat good. It is a stronghold that must be broken, and discipline & obedience are key.

You must arm yourself with the Word of God, or you will not be able to get through this. If you do not read the WORD, you will never know what God has to say & you cannot be blessed by the knowledge he can give you. The bible assures us that the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Oh how weak it is!

There was leftover spaghetti in the refrigerator (one of my absolute FAVORITE foods) and every time I opened the refrigerator for water I was consumed with thoughts of eating it. I even got to the point once where I convinced myself that it would be ok to eat it because I hadn't eaten anything else yet, and I couldn't gain weight from it. Unfortunately I knew in my heart that I would not be satisfied until I consumed the entire amount of spaghetti in there, but even still, this was not about gaining weight, this was about taking control, and so I recognized it as a lie from the enemy and I started to talk to God, reminding myself of the battle I was in & praying for strength. This was an example of taking a thought captive & turning it over to Christ. I began to focus on my victory, and all thoughts of food faded away. Later, however, they returned as expected. I was getting changed & looked at myself in the mirror. It was VERY hard not to give in when I looked at the weight I had put on. I saw myself as a fat cow, no lie, with a human head. I just kept looking at myself in disgust & thinking of how angry I was that I had let myself get to this point. I was so disgusted as I went through two different pairs of pants before finding 1 that fit, that I said to myself, "you are too far gone, you will never lose this weight" and I felt the desire to just go down to the kitchen & eat. I figured what more could it do, I'm already so far gone it will take me forever to get back to "normal" (whatever that is) why not just go enjoy what I love...food! Ahhhh....the lie number 2. As I started to leave the room, I reminded myself that the enemy was attacking me and by his suggestions regarding my appearance, I was going to give in to his lie & therefore suffer a defeat, so I went back to the mirror, and pictured myself as I will be, not as I am. That was really tough for me. It was so hard to look past the layers of fat & see myself as anything BUT fat. I found myself thinking that the rolls I saw would never go away & I could never be the person I so desire to be. It was a fight for sure, I will not lie. I sought for the help of the Holy Spirit within me. I remembered to take the thought captive, and so I immediately began to tell myself that I can do this (scripture says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13) and I began to set my focus on how good I will feel & how much better I will look. I started to tell myself that no matter how long it takes I will not be getting bigger. No matter what, I am making the best choice for myself. I found myself being my own cheerleader, and with a confidence I haven't felt in months, I set out the door. This time, I left with nothing in my hands and a bottle of water waiting in the car. THAT is an accomplishment in itself!
Nighttime proved another tempting time, as I love to eat before going to bed. This time I opted for some much needed, long forgotten meditation. I slept great for the first time in a few weeks, and instead of my recent 3am risings, I slept till my usual 5. I woke up today refreshed and ready to face day 2. One day at a time...1 minute at a time...I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!

God bless!!

Quest for Freedom

If you are here reading this it's for 1 of two reasons. You are either "just curious" or you are searching for freedom yourself. Whatever the reason, it is my hope that your time spent here will somehow lift you & encourage you to soar to new heights and that whatever demon it is you are battling, you will find the courage & strength to pick up your cross daily & press on to reach the goal & win the prize.

Jesus Christ has given us freedom in Him, but so many of us just choose not to walk in it. It is a free gift, yet for so many of us we have lived in slavery to our sin for so long we continue to walk in the shackles we are in. Galatians 5:1 says: "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Considering that, freedom is never really free, is it? We have to fight for it, sometimes daily. We have to "stand firm" and sometimes it's easier said than done. The sin to which we yield becomes our master. For me, it's the sin of gluttony. It is a sin I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. It entered in at some point as a child, and I have not yet found complete freedom from it. I believe it is a demonic attachment, one of which could have entered at any point in my childhood, since my childhood was filled with many wounds...physical, and emotional. I believe that it is through such wounds, that a demon can attach itself to you. So I like to consider gluttony not only a sin, but a demon. It makes it that much more real to me, and enables me to imagine something existent. It is easier to fight something existent than something nonexistent, and if I believe that demons exist (and I do) than I believe that we fight against them daily for the freedom that we already have in Christ.
Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" Make no mistake friends, we are at war with the enemy.
The hardest part about fighting this war is that it rages within us. I have fought many sins of the flesh, but the one I have not yet conquered is that sin of gluttony. It is a thorn in my flesh, and it is something I battle with constantly. There is such a struggle within because we are creatures of flesh, yet we have a new Spirit. The Spirit & the flesh battle within us, but the one one we feed the most is the one that will gain the victory on any given day. In Romans 8, Paul talks in great detail about the Spirit vs the flesh. When we seek God, and read His Word, and grow closer to Him, we gain such a great foothold over our enemy. But when we are not in the Word, and we allow our feet to slip into the world, we lose our standing, and therefore give the enemy a tremendous foothold over us. It is so important to understand your enemy. You must know your enemy in order to conquer him. I fight the demon of gluttony. How well I understand that demon. And though I know all the why's & hows, here I sit, fatter than ever, and doing little or nothing about it. I'm not depressed over it , but I am disappointed in myself for allowing it to consume me so. I am no longer beating myself up over letting myself get to this place, but I'm not fighting it either. At this point, however, it's gone beyond my looks. Even though I cringe these days when I look in the mirror, it's the gasping for breath I do when I walk up the steps, and the lack of motivation I have every morning that keeps me aware that I desperately need to do something to rid myself of this demonic attachment. Though my body seems to find 3am a wonderful time to rise these days, it's not helping me at all to get anything extra done. I keep telling myself to take this time to go back to my yoga and meditation, but I'd rather sit on this stinking computer than do anything physical these days. I have 2 great dogs that could use a good walk, but I just look at the leashes & say, "Maybe tomorrow". Of course, tomorrow never comes. I love to train them & work with them, and I want to be a good dog cart driver, but here sit the dogs & there sits the cart & my physical condition prevents the twain from meeting! I keep telling myself that dressing nice when going out somewhere will make me more motivated, but the minute I go out the door, I become fully aware of how fat I am & I go back & grab myself something to eat to take with me into the car.
I've done some serious battle with this demon before, and I've won. But the victory was short lived, unfortunately, because the minute I took my eyes off the fight he snuck back in and attacked me with a bigger army. Jesus said that when a demon leaves a person, it likes to come back with 7 more even worse demons. I can't say if that is what happened to me, but I can tell you that after a 40 day water fast last year and a great taste of freedom, I did take my eyes off of the enemy, and he did gain a foothold over me. It has since been a challenge for me to fast for even 1 day. When the attack came, instead of fighting right back, I allowed myself to get comfortable and when I turned my back he hit me with both barrels. Every good soldier knows not to turn his back on his enemy. Apparently I was tired of being a soldier and just went back to my civilian clothes before my retirement was up. There is no retirement as long as we are living in this world. Not only did I turn my back, but I gave in to all future attacks, and now I'm a prisoner of war. How long will I stay in this prison cell I've created for myself before I pick up my sword & fight my way back out? I can't answer that. I only know how I feel today...right now...and after acknowledging my defeat in words, I find myself having a renewed desire to pick up my weapons & do something, however small, to chisel away at these bars. So off I go to spend some time in yoga & meditation. Perhaps today I will feel more the warrior I was destined to be.