Becoming a "Man after God's own heart"

I was meditating in the quiet of the morning & began to think of this whole situation I'm in regarding my struggle with weight loss, food addiction & following God. I realized as I was still & quiet before the Lord, that I am not as obedient & trusting as I need to be. I have not COMPLETELY given up my own hold on my sin. I have not yet experienced TOTAL surrender. Sure, I trust God, but I have not COMPLETELY trusted Him, otherwise I would have submitted myself to Him completely & I know I have not done that. How do I know? Because when I'm struggling, it is not as automatic as it should be to go RIGHT to God. I hold onto a little of my own will and do not completely submit. That's why I still struggle so much.
I've been meditating on David most recently, and the description the Lord gave him "a man after My own heart" is something I desire for myself. It is apparent to me that God desires me to lead a group for the Christian struggling with addictions, but I fear I have been more like Saul than David & therefore it is not at the point of bearing much fruit yet. The bible says in Samuel 13:13-14;
"You acted foolishly," Samuel said. "You have not kept the command the LORD your God gave you; if you had, he would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. But now your kingdom will not endure; the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because you have not kept the LORD's command."
Wow! I read that & it really spoke to me. I began to ask myself questions like "Do I keep the Lord's command?" I refer to things He has directly show me or spoken to me. I know I do not always follow the right path, or follow things through to the end and as a leader, wandering will cause the people to stray.
So who was Samuel speaking about in verse 14? He was speaking about David. God called David "a man after My own heart"! God chose David to lead! Yet, was David perfect? Absolutely not! One only needs to hear the name Bathsheba & is reminded of David's imperfections. The good thing about that for me, is that God is not looking for me to be perfect! Whew! Then what IS He looking for? How CAN I become a "man after His own heart"?
To see why David was considered a "man after God's own heart" we have to look at the scriptures. We know that David was a sinner, and we know that as a sinner, he did things he should not have done (just as the rest of us do), but what did he do when he was confronted with his sin? We see it in 2 Samuel 13: "Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD."
When Nathan confronted David with his sin, David did not try to hide or deny it, he admitted it. So many times we hide behind our masks so that the world does not see who we REALLY are. We live in a state of denial and that denial prevents us from experiencing a true healing. My church bulletin had a great acronym in it this week for the word Denial. It went like this: D disables our feelings(2 Peter 2:29)*E energy drains(Psalm 146:7-8)* N negates our growth(Psalm 107:13-14)* I isolates us from God(Genesis 3:7-8)* A alienates us from all our relationships(Ephesians 4:25)* L lengthens our pain. (Jeremiah 30:17)

I read & re-read that & I realized that I have lived in a state of denial for some time now. Maybe not COMPLETE denial, but denial nonetheless. If I want to be "a man after God's own heart" I have to admit that I cannot do it without Him & TRULY let Him take over.
If any of us want to lead, we MUST be willing to follow. Acts 13:22 tell us EXACTLY why God chose David & why he called him "a man after My own heart".
It says: "After removing Saul, he made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.'" God testified that David was a "man after His own heart" Why? Because "he will do EVERYTHING I want him to do" (emphasis mine).
He didn't choose him because he was the greatest(David was the youngest, and not qualified to fight yet he killed Goliath with a stone), or because he was the most worshipful (David wrote many of the Psalms & played the harp), or because he was the most skillful(David was successful in many battles). God chose David for one reason, "he will do EVERYTHING I want him to do "

If I want to be a "man after God's own heart" I must do what God asks me to do. I must not live in a state of denial, but openly admit my weaknesses & my sins. I must completely rely on Christ's power to help me. It's only then that I will experience TRUE freedom & in that freedom bring complete glory to God.

God bless you as you seek to become a "man after His own heart"!
Michelle